(8days old)
My husband and I had discussed names for baby. My husband named all our other children and he had come up with the name Zealyn (Zealyn as in New Zealand - where my husband was born and where we both grew up but spelt with Lyn to match the rest of my children's names and mine.) You see my husband loved to be unique in anything he did. And that included our children's names. My husband loved me so much; he wanted all our children to have a part of me in each of their names. So the decision was made that all our children's names would end with lyn to take after my first name Terilyn.
As always choosing a name for your child takes time and a lot of thought and at times can be difficult. Our girls took two weeks after birth to name, our first son had two names we were tossing up and decided a day or two after his birth. But this baby was different. My husband had chosen a name months before he passed and was adamant that Zealyn was it. I was NOT fond of the name and remember telling my husband, "Yea, we'll see about that!" Now this name has so much more meaning and significance . It will be something special for my son to know that his father named him. Needless to say, the name has grown on me and I now LOVE it!
I often ponder why Heavenly Father chose to take my husband at such a delicate time; being 37weeks pregnant (and with 3 other children under the age of 6)
At times I think...
Could Daniel have been taken at the worst time ever??!
Why at that specific time?
How am I going to get through this pregnancy without my Eternal Companion?
How am I going to deliver this baby without my sweetheart by my side cheering me on? (When he's been there for the other 3)
Through a priesthood blessing, scripture study and prayer I have been able to sit back and see the bigger picture and ponder some different questions...
If I wasn't pregnant at the time my husband passed away, would I have made sure that I ate everyday?
Would I have had sufficient rest?(Especially during the time of the funeral)
If I didn't have my children to raise and take care of, would I have been as strong?
Would I have looked after myself as well as I did?
Although some may think my husband was taken at the worst time ever. I know without a doubt Heavenly Father knew what he was doing and He knew that if I was to get through this trial I would need these 4 beautiful Angels to keep me going; to give me strength, to give me purpose.
I get through each day because I have these 4 amazing children that need me. They are my heart and my soul. The reason why I strive for better.
What keeps me going... My Super Hero's.
(Clockwise from top: Loclyn, Ashlyn, Zealyn & Caitlyn)
Zealyn has been such a blessing to our family. My girls adore him so much. My son Loclyn's (1yr) face lights up every time he sees his brother. It's as if he knows exactly who Zealyn is and as if he has been expecting his arrival. It is so amazing watching my 4 children together. I know that they're going to be very close growing up.
The next step is Zealyn's blessing. One of many milestones we will have to face without Daniel... As I discussed the blessing details with my Sister In-law, the reality of my Husbands death hit me so hard. Yes, I knew that he was gone...but to say it aloud that he won't be the one to bless our Son just sets it in much deeper. At least every other day I can pretend that my husbands just gone away on holiday or something and we've just lost all forms of communication... Is that ignoring his death by doing that? Or is it just my way of coping? Either way, I can't ignore the fact that he's not here for this milestone and many more to come. The realisation of his death just sinks in more and more with these special events.
It pains me to know that my Priesthood holder is gone. But I look forward to raising two worthy Priesthood holders for the future.
To get through, I strive daily to "Look back in forgiveness, forward in hope, down in compassion and up with gratitude." - (Zig Ziglar) xoxox
